Jester Leaps In: A Medieval Mystery Read online

  “What of him?” he said, wearily.

  “The whole world knows of Your Majesty’s mercy and kindness,” said the Chamberlain. “Certainly, fraternal obligations have been honored to the hilt in his case. It almost pains me to suggest anything that would be contrary to your natural beneficence.”

  “Go on,” said the Emperor.

  “It was Isaakios who arranged for his son’s escape. The evidence is irrefutable. Yet you have done nothing to punish him for this transgression.”

  “I deposed him. I blinded him. Executed several of his supporters. Seems like I’ve done nothing but punish him. Look, I know where you’re going with this, but I’m not going to heap any more misery on his life. I’m Emperor, he’s not, and that’s all we need to say on the subject. Let him have his petty little plots. It gives him something to do with the day.”

  “But at least remove him from the Double Column,” said Oinaiotes. “Keep him incarcerated somewhere more secure. Restrict his visitors.”

  “But the Double Column is so comfortable,” said the Emperor. “And it has that lovely view.”

  “Isaakios is blind, Your Majesty,” Oinaiotes reminded him. “What use does he have for a view?”

  “What think you, Captain?”

  “Keep your enemies close, Your Majesty,” said Stanislaus. “Always good strategy.”

  “And you, Fool?” he said, turning to me.

  “Your Majesty, I wouldn’t dare give advice to divinity.”

  “Stop the fawning, and answer me. What would you do if he were your brother?”

  “If he were my brother, then he would be the brother of a fool and therefore of no concern to Your Majesty.”

  “Hmph,” he said. “Well, I’ll think about this. After my nap. For it is that time. Go away, all of you. Eunuch, pay the fool.”

  He stood, seizing a staff to lean upon. We all bowed, and he left the room.

  “Well, Jester, you’ve certainly wormed your way in quickly,” commented Stryphnos. “Now, answer me this. What do you call a man who seeks advice from fools?”

  “Emperor,” I said, looking directly at him.

  Stanislaus hid a smile. I bowed and followed Philoxenites out of the room.

  “You didn’t have to do much today,” he commented.

  “Shall I await the end of his nap?” I asked.

  “No,” he replied. “When he’s that insistent upon it, it means he plans to nap for quite some time.”

  “With a pillow like that, I’m not surprised.”

  We entered his office.

  “Sit down,” he said.

  I complied, and he paid me. I started to leave, but he waved me back to my chair.

  “We need to talk,” he said.

  “But you were present the entire time I was,” I said. “Surely you need no report from me.”

  “Not about that,” he said, scratching his nose.

  They came up behind me so silently that the first thing I heard was the slight rush of air as the ropes settled around me. I didn’t even have a chance to struggle. I was trussed up in short order, barely able to turn my head to see the two Varangians who did it. I recognized neither of them.

  I maintained calm. A facade, of course, but I’m good at those.

  “What would you like to talk about?” I said politely.

  “You told me that you had come from the north,” Philoxenites said. “And indeed you entered the city through the Rhegium Gate, consistent with your tale. But then I receive word from the guardpost at the Anastasian Wall that you passed through along the Via Egnatia. Which means you were coming from the west.”

  “I’m terrible with directions,” I admitted sheepishly. “I must have taken the wrong road at Philippopolis.”

  “Don’t be tiresome,” he said, sitting on the edge of the desk. The guards moved my chair up until I was a foot away. Then Philoxenites slapped me once.

  “Ugh,” he said, wiping the makeup off his hand with a handkerchief. “Very unpleasant. Don’t let me do that again. To whom do you owe your fealty? Venice? Hagenau?”

  “Neither,” I said. “How about you?”

  He motioned to one of the guards, who then delivered an expertly placed blow with a club to the side of my head. I saw stars for a moment. The Pleiades, I think.

  “Where’s your assistant, Claudius?” he asked.

  “I don’t know,” I said. “He disappeared this morning. Ask at the Rooster; they’ll confirm it.”

  “At the Rooster?” he said, laughing. “They’ll confirm anything they’re paid to confirm. You have to do better with your references, Fool. Who do you work for?”

  “The Emperor.”

  Another blow. I saw Orion this time. It made sense—he was always chasing the Pleiades.

  “If you kill me, what will you tell the Emperor?” I said.

  He shrugged.

  “People come and go around here,” he said. “What’s another missing fool?”

  “So, you did kill the others,” I snarled.

  He looked at me in surprise.

  “What on earth are you talking about?” he asked.

  “The murdered fools,” I said. “Niko, Piko, Demetrios, Tiberius, Ignatius, Thalia. Even Zintziphitzes.”

  He looked at me, completely baffled.

  “Step outside,” he directed the guards.

  I heard a door close.

  “Now,” he said. “What you are about to tell me will determine whether I allow you to live. Are you saying that all of these people are dead?”

  “Murdered,” I said. “At your behest.”

  “Why would I want to kill a fool?”

  “You were about to kill me.”

  “But you’re a spy,” he said. “Or aren’t you? When were they killed?”

  “Back in November.”

  He stood and paced the room behind me. I felt something salty run into my mouth, but whether it was blood or tears I could not say.

  Philoxenites reappeared, holding a dagger.

  “I had no knowledge of this,” he said.

  “Why should I believe you?”

  “What makes you think I was connected to these things?”

  “You were overheard at the Hippodrome by one of us, plotting against the Emperor.”

  He placed the blade against my throat.

  “What plot?” he said softly. “When was this?”

  “At the games of November first. We know everything now. And if I am killed, it will be brought straight to your rivals here. You won’t live to see me buried.”

  He started to laugh.

  “You played this game badly, Fool,” he said. “The games of November first? On November first, I was in Adrianople. And I can bring in several hundred witnesses to swear to that before the Emperor.”

  FOURTEEN

  A fool’s mouth is his destruction.

  PROVERBS 18:7

  Now, as much as I enjoy the idle badinage of a fool who is about to meet his maker, there comes a time to speak seriously,” said Philoxenites. “If there is a plot against the Emperor, I want to know about it.”

  “How do I know you’re not part of it?” I asked. “How can I be sure you won’t just slit my throat afterward?”

  “You don’t, and you can’t,” he said affably. “I seldom find it necessary to prove myself to a common ruffian like yourself. So, if you don’t talk, I’ll just slit your throat now. The way I see it, you have little to lose.”

  His logic was compelling. Of course, I was the one tied to a chair with a dagger at my throat, so my ability to reason was somewhat hampered.

  “Zintziphitzes overheard two men plotting against Alexios,” I said. “Back in November. He brought the information to the fools who were working here.”

  “Why to the fools?” asked Philoxenites.

  “Because they had access to the Emperor and Empress, and it was the only way he could reach them,” I said. “He thought no one else would take him seriously.”

  “Then why d
idn’t the fools bring it to the Emperor and Empress?”

  “Because they wanted to check this story out first for themselves. And inside of a week, every one of them had disappeared.”

  “This was in November?”

  “Yes.”

  “But there has been no attempt on the Emperor since then.”

  “Zintziphitzes believed that the assassins were waiting for a particular event to occur.”

  “When did you speak with him?”

  “A few days ago.”

  I recounted the full conversation for him. He listened, playing idly with the dagger.

  “So, you smoked me out at the games,” he said. “I was curious as to what started that little fire, but paid it no further mind. And you decided I was behind this conspiracy.”

  “You were my chief suspect,” I said.

  “Your use of the past tense suggests that you have changed your mind,” he said, pleased. “Or, that you’re being pragmatic.”

  “I’m still alive,” I said. “That counts for something.”

  “It is too bad that your only witness is dead.”

  He looked at me for a long time. I couldn’t read his expression.

  “I saw your friends perform for many years,” he said finally. “I couldn’t help noticing that concealed amidst the foolery was a great deal of good advice, something that a succession of emperors followed to their benefit. I observed, however, that when presented with the opportunity today, you chose not to give any.”

  “Any fool can give advice, but the fool who seeks to stay in service should study his situation before doing so.”

  “A wise policy. Our current lord and master doted on the dwarves. They had been here so long that they understood Constantinople perhaps better than anybody. When they disappeared so abruptly, a few of us suspected that they were persuaded to leave by someone jealous of their influence. But I had no idea that they were murdered.”

  He stepped behind my chair, out of sight, not out of mind.

  “Not that the idea offends me,” he continued. I flinched as the dagger touched the nape of my neck. “It’s a sound tactic. But, as it didn’t come from me, it is one I would like to see fail.”

  He withdrew the blade and untied the ropes.

  “All of these fools you mentioned . . . they worked together?”

  “Except for Zintziphitzes,” I said, shaking my hands until I could feel them again.

  “Which was why he survived for so long,” he mused. “And you showed up after hearing about the disappearances. Why you? Who sent you?”

  I shook my head. He waved the dagger at me.

  “I wish to make two points quite clear,” he said. “Firstly, as far as I am concerned, I now own you. “You live at my sufferance. Don’t be so foolish as to make any attempts on my life. I am certain that you are capable of accomplishing it, but you will not see the sun set again if you do.”

  “Is that one point or two?” I asked.

  “Secondly,” he said, ignoring me. “We have not had this conversation. Nor will we be having the several other conversations that we will be having on a daily basis. In the meantime, I will be making some inquiries of my own.”

  “That’s fine,” I said. “May I go now, milord?”

  He opened the door, and the two Varangians came in.

  “Take him away,” he ordered them.

  I hoped that that meant they weren’t going to kill me. Some agreed-upon signal, and off with his head. But I found myself outside the gate to Blachernae in no time at all.

  “I saw your act at the Hippodrome,” one of them said pleasantly. “I liked it. Me mates said you were good at the baths, too.”

  “Thank you,” I said.

  They gave an ironic salute and went back inside. I turned and started gulping air like a man escaped from drowning. Good air in this city, filled with smoke and spices and sweat.

  “They say a cat has nine lives,” said a voice behind me. “How many does a fool have?”

  I turned to see Captain Stanislaus leaning in a doorway.

  “And if a coward dies a thousand deaths, but a hero only once, then how many must a cowardly cat die?” I replied.

  He nodded in the direction of my Varangian escort.

  “Usually when I see those two with someone, the someone is being dumped in the harbor,” he said. “What’s the secret of your survival?”

  “People think I’m more useful alive,” I said.

  “Are you?”

  “Never underestimate the value of entertainment, my good Captain.”

  I slung my bag over my shoulder. Stanislaus left his post and fell into step beside me.

  “I hear you lost a neighbor last night,” he said.

  “You are exceptionally well informed,” I replied.

  “And your partner, Claudius, has suddenly left town. Why?”

  “I don’t know. When you see him, ask him.”

  “I plan to. It’s too bad he broke up the act. You were quite good together.”

  “It is too bad. But that’s life. I’ve worked solo before.”

  “Do you think he killed Asan?”

  “No. Do you?”

  “Possibly.”

  “Then bring your suspicions to the Vigla. Sounds more like something in their line than yours.”

  “Listen, Fool,” he said, grabbing my shoulder. “You arrive in town, and within a week the Empire takes you to its bosom. Yet in that same time, someone close to you is stabbed to death. You are carrying some evil omen, and this concerns me.”

  “No need to be concerned on my behalf.”

  “Why were you so anxious to perform at Blachernae?”

  “Because that’s where the money is, Captain. Street juggling is fun, but I want to live well.”

  “Is there a threat to the Emperor?” he demanded.

  I looked at him. His normal swagger had been replaced by an air of uncertainty.

  “You tell me,” I said. “How the hell should I know?”

  “Asan was killed in your room,” he said. “Perhaps in your place.”

  “Where did you hear that?”

  “A little minx told me. Stultorum numerus . . .”

  “Get stuffed!” I spat, shaking his hand off.

  “She said you would know . . ..,” he said falteringly.

  “Who said that?”

  “Thalia. A fool.”

  “I heard she was dead.”

  “But . . .”

  “Protect your own damn emperor. What does any of this have to do with me?”

  “Aren’t you a Guild fool?”

  “No. They can go to hell. A fool can’t even work anymore without the Guild getting in his way.”

  “I need your help,” he said quietly.

  I turned in exasperation.

  “Last time I checked, you had the entire Imperial Guard at your disposal,” I said.

  He looked around to make sure no one was within earshot.

  “There’s no one I can trust,” he said.

  “Why trust me?”

  “You have no idea what it’s like in Blachernae. Everyone is plotting against everyone else. Some for power, some for wealth, some for women, and some just to keep what they already have. It’s gotten to the point that even those who want the same thing can’t set their rivalries aside long enough to work for it.”

  “What are you in it for?” I asked.

  “I’m a bit old-fashioned. I’m loyal to the Emperor.”

  I laughed.

  “There are so many bizarre things in this city,” I said. “A loyal soldier may be at the top of the list. No offense, Captain, but I don’t see what good I could possibly do you. I’m just a fool, after all.”

  “You’ll be around Alexios and his retinue. Just keep your eyes and ears open. Jesters may be privy to things that guards are not. And if you learn anything, bring it to me.”

  “You may have to get in line, Captain. Tell you what . . . if Thalia’s still alive, send her al
ong to the Rooster.” I made as if to leave, then turned and leered at him. “We used to have some fine old times, Thalia and me.”

  Before I could take another step, he was on me, shoving me against a wall.

  “If you say one more word about her, I’ll kill you myself,” he said, choking out the words.

  “It’s like that with you, is it?” I said. “Be careful, Captain. Cats have claws and teeth for a reason. I’ll be at the Rooster.”

  He released his hold, and I walked away. I glanced behind me once. He was still standing by the wall, arms folded, watching me.

  Well, life was getting complicated again. My very presence was stirring things up, which was good as long as I lived to do something about it. I wondered who else would approach me.

  The Captain must have had a friend at the Rooster if he knew about Asan’s death. Unless Thalia told him. I wanted to talk to her again. Bad enough giving out the Guild’s password like that, although we were long overdue for a change. Malvolio had known it, and had used it to gain my confidence back in Orsino, but he had infiltrated the Guild long before I found him out. But I had never discovered whom he was working for, if anyone. It seemed like simple revenge at the time, but now I was beginning to suspect he was part of some larger plan.

  That evening, the atmosphere at the Rooster was decidedly subdued at dinner. Not surprising, given the death in the family. The mutual suspicions did not help. Every time someone reached for his knife to slice some bread, hands jumped to waists and sleeves and any other place where a weapon might be at the ready. Many of them looked to me to brighten things up, but I was in a foul mood myself. There had been no word from Claudius, and I was too wrapped up in the Blachernae business to go out searching for her. A good husband would probably have dropped everything to find her, but I guess I had a way to go in that area.

  Asan’s room—my room—was empty when I retired for the evening. A nice change. I closed the door and dropped the bar, then secured the shutters over the window. I blew out the candle and stretched out in the darkness. Asan’s pallet was much more comfortable than mine. Despite the morbid accommodations, the fears for my wife, and the day’s intrigues, I fell asleep almost immediately.

  I woke in the night as a dark form slipped into bed beside me, holding me tight. It was the wrong dark form.